My father used to read meaningful stories to me when I was a little girl. I still remember one of the stories, from the famous Aesop’s fables. The story goes like this:

In a village, there lived a man with his adolescent son and a donkey. They had some business in town and the three started their journey together. They were walking through the muddy roads of the village and met a friend. The friend told them that he could not believe that the father and son were walking when they could use the donkey as a ride. The friend laughed at them and walked away.  The father-son duo thought about it and the father sat on the donkey and started the journey again. They met an old woman and she told the father that he was doing an injustice to the motherless son by making him walk. Hearing this, the father urged the son to ride the donkey. Then they met an old man who criticized the boy for making his old father walk. In a dilemma both of them then decided to ride the donkey together. After a while, they met a young woman who was an animal lover. She did not hide her disappointment in them for making the donkey carry both of them. She was upset and sorry for the poor donkey. She wondered how the donkey could be feeling? The father and son felt very guilty. So, they started carrying the donkey on their shoulders and eventually reached their destination. The people in the marketplace started laughing at the sight of a donkey on the shoulders of father and son. They ridiculed the stupidity and dumbness of the duo.

What do you think is the moral of the story?

This story is a typical example of how social influence works.

So, What is Social influence??

“Social Influence involves the many ways people produce changes in others – in their behaviors, attitudes, perceptions, or beliefs.”

Robert Beno Cialdini, Social Psychologist

Psychologists are always curious to know why people behave in certain ways with reference to or in response to other people and their views. Social influence is an umbrella term used to mark conformity, compliance, and obedience.

Conformity is the pressure to behave in ways that are acceptable or appropriate according to the society you live in. Most people behave in accordance with social norms most of the time.  The resistance to conformity arises from the strong desire to retain individuality or to keep control of one’s life decisions.

Compliance is where the individual chooses to go along with the request of the group, even though he/she may not agree with them. According to Cialdini, the basic principles used to gain compliance are likings, commitments, scarcity, reciprocity, social validation, and authority.

Obedience is a direct form of social influence in which one person (in authority) orders others to do something and they do so. One of the most famous experiments on obedience by  Stanley Milgram indicates that most people are ready to obey a relatively powerless source of authority which requires them to harm innocent persons.

Life is full of dilemmas!

Whether or not to conform to social norms, to comply with social pressures, or to obey even if it harms self and others. People want to ‘fit in’ to societal norms and cultural patterns even if they may not agree with it. The innate desire for social approval makes people change their behaviors and decisions accordingly. 

Why do we often choose to go along with the social rules instead of resisting them? We “go along with the crowd” to avoid rejection, to stay in people’s good graces, or to gain their approval and validation.

Is social influence good or bad??

We meet lots of people in our lives who hold different perceptions and opinions. Some think they are entitled to advise others. The truth is that the advice only boosts their self-esteem. Some people are full of suggestions on what to and when to do it and how to do it. It can be extremely irritating though mostly harmless. Some are well-wishers who turn ill-wishers when they hear ‘NO’ for an answer. Some, so preoccupied with making others happy,  are ready to sacrifice anything.

 We all know that it is impossible to make everyone happy all the time. Someone somewhere would be unhappy and critical about your decisions and views. People gossip about each and everything. Your age, skin color, education, height, weight, marriage, divorce, career, children, home, parents – the topics can be anything. The pressure to conform often produces harmful effects. Research reveals that social influence exerted by media /society such as ‘thin is in’,  ‘fair skin attracts prospects’, and ‘boys are stronger than girls’ and so on, plays an important role in some psychological disorders,  for example, eating disorders, anxiety disorders, mood disorders.

Social rejections are painful and traumatic. Whenever we deviate from the normal norms of society we end up paying a huge emotional price. This can be one of the reasons for conforming to the norms instead of resisting.

So, the moral of the story is “do not become a football of others’ opinions.” 

Life is yours, the choices are yours, so the decisions should be yours. 

I was deeply touched by a dialogue (from the movie ‘The Sky is Pink’) between a young mom and her little son when she tells him that his sky can be of any color he wants it to be, no matter what other people say.

I urge every young parent to teach their offspring this kind of thinking. I urge every individual to become an ‘accurate thinker’ capable of thinking for themselves and differentiating between opinions and facts.

Written by Habeeba Waseem. Content Developer and Writer @mindsonfleek