I wonder what is happening to the mindsets of our society? Why are we not able to fight this deadly social evil called ‘dowry’? The dowry system in India (irrespective of religious, cultural and economic differences) incorporates payments in the form of durable goods, gold jewellery, furniture, real estate, vehicles, cash or bank deposits, other valuable things etc., from the bride’s family as a condition for marriage.
As per the National Crime Bureau of India, twenty women die every day in the name of dowry, either by homicide or compelled to commit suicide. Dowry systems reinforce the superiority status of the bridegroom (because of his manhood ?) and his family, which indirectly gives them the power to harass the bride and keep more demands on her family.
It is an utter mockery of the “Dowry Prohibition Act 1961” and “the Protection of women from Domestic Violence Act 2005”. The culprits get arrested, investigated, interrogated, and eventually get bail and set free. We react and sympathize with the girls’ families, and as time passes, these cases are forgotten.
Allow me to share some stories which made my insomnia symptoms worse.
#1
Vismaya, a BAMS ( Ayurveda) medical student, was found dead in her husband’s house under mysterious circumstances. At the time of her marriage, her parents gave hundred sovereigns of gold, 1.25 acres of land, and a car worth 10 Lakhs rupees as gifts (another name for dowry!). Vismaya’s husband was not happy with the car as he wanted cash instead. Vismaya, in her messages and phone calls, repeatedly complained about her husband’s physical assaults and abuse, especially while he was under the influence of alcohol. The verbal abuse from her husband started within the third week of their marriage. The aftereffect is that she is gone from this world, and investigations are yet to conclude the cause of her death- Murder or Suicide.
#2
Ayesha recorded a suicide video before taking refuge in the Sabarmati River in Ahmadabad. Her husband’s infidelity and emotional abuse broke her heart. He allegedly prodded her and said “Go, die and send me the video of your death”. Ayesha spoke to her husband for 70 minutes before taking the extreme step of ending her life. As a torture technique, her husband used to lock her in a room for four days without any food. He used to thrash her even while she was pregnant, due to which she lost her baby. Ayesha’s father (who is a Tailor by profession) gave 1.5 Lakhs of rupees as dowry at her marriage. But Ayesha is not alive today!!!
#3
Before falling off to death from her husband’s building in a posh locality of Kolkata, at 2:30 A.M, Rashika had sent this message to her father: “I tried to live here, but I cannot bear the torture they have done. It is better I go. Papa, don’t miss me.” She was married to a wealthy and well-settled business family. Her family gave away more than seven crores worth of dowry in addition to bearing other wedding expenditures. Rashika had to take money from her family even after the marriage on the demands of her husband. He was into drugs and alcohol and financially abused her now and then, demanding more and more from her family. She had to end her misery but ended her life itself abruptly at the age of twenty-five.
#4
Uthra’s murder was an unusual one because of the nature of the crime committed. She was brutally murdered by inflicting snake bite (from a cobra). She was recovering from one of the snake bites ( from a viper) at her in-laws’ place. Her husband bought those snakes from a snake catcher. Uthra had to suffer severe physical and mental abuse at the hands of her husband and in-laws in the name of dowry and her unique personality. During the police investigation, it was found that her father-in-law dug the ground and hid Uthra’s gold jewellery. Nearing 100 sovereigns of gold, 5 Lakhs in cash, a car, a pick-up van (3.25L) etc., did not satisfy their greed. Uthra eventually lost her precious life, too, leaving behind her one-year-old son.
Whom should we blame? Who is wrong here?
*Is it the boy’s parents who shamelessly want to secure their son’s future with the gold and money from the bride and her family?
*Is it the girl’s parents who bargain into a deal for a suitable groom, thinking they are securing a promising future for their daughter?
*Is it the boy whose education and logic drains in the gutter when greed overtakes it all?
*Is it the girl who devalues her own life by just accepting defeat and not putting up a fight?
Why are we still hesitant and afraid to give the freedom to our daughters to choose whom they want to marry or not to marry at all? Why do we fail to make them independent and strong enough to take care of themselves and their possessions? Do our daughters really need some stupid in-laws to take care of their gold jewellery and money?
“Do we love our daughters enough? Or the love is conditional?”
-Namita Bhandare
We live in a society where the prevalence of female infanticide and misogyny is not an astonishing factor.
But, nothing is more important than a precious life. The right to breathe is given to us at the time of our birth. And it is free for all! No one is allowed to take that away.
When I turn back and look, my husband and I are thankful to the Almighty God that our daughter is divorced but ALIVE.
Do you think marriages have become a business transaction in today’s world?
Let us know in the comments below or write to us at mindsonfleek@gmail.com with your thoughts on preventing this social malice.
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Written by Habeeba Waseem. Content Developer and Writer @mindsonfleek
Society is totally stigmatic in India.. Society can only criticize to your success failures and can help your life to be more painful.. why we gals don’t understand we should be self dependent .. it should be our first choice.. marraige is not at all important in life.. it’s better to have a independent happy life than to be killed later by these animals..
Very well said Dr Mahuya!
I think parents must raise their daughter independent and financially and mentally strong, so that they can handle every situation and take appropriate steps as per the circumstances. Girls parents also raise their daughter with lots of love and spent money on their education. So the concept of dowry doesn’t go well with me. My mother always used to say will never give my daughter to a family who will ask for dowry, she will never be burden on me. She did the right thing. I feel every mother should be strong enough to take such decisions for her children.
Very true! Every individual should say “No to Dowry” and “No to Abuse”.
I considered myself very lucky as I live in a state of India where a boy leave their house and live with wife’s family.
Where all the properties goes to wife’s account incase the husband wants to leave or divorce.
There is no Dowry in Northeast ..
😘 Learn from seven sister duniya walo ✌️
Unfortunately, many are unlucky in this matter and go through dowry and domestic abuse in India.