Death hurts, but Life goes on.

While going through old pages of Minds on fleek, I found this blog, written in 2021 after the COVID era.

After 365 days of mourning my beloved partner, when I read the blog “Death hurts and life goes on’, it gave me a new perspective. It was one of Waseem’s favourite blogs.

I am reposting it in the memory of Waseem, missing him and wishing to meet him in the afterlife. I find solace in the hope that we will be reunited in a place beyond this life.

The pain of not having him with me is what I have to carry on till I die. I miss those endless conversations, chats and phone calls, shared laughter, long rides, and his unconditional love and understanding. My sleepless nights and dull days make me wish to meet him again but in vain. It is heartbreaking to lose your soul mate and lead a lonely life, but as it is said, the living has to live.

My love for Waseem endures, and his memory will always be a part of me.

—The Blog—

The second wave of the Covid 19 virus has been taking many lives in India, and the statistics are scary. The News channels and social media are loaded with the numbers and details of people dying. It is heartbreaking to see the loved ones just passing away all of a sudden.  

Two of my sisters (cousins) lost their husbands recently in the battle to Covid 19. I am still in shock and searching for words to convey my support to them about the loss. It is not easy to keep the anxiety away and put up a brave front in such situations.  

Dying relatives, friends, colleagues or known people during this pandemic might have triggered fears of death in many.  One may wonder and question about own mortality and when it would happen? The fear of loss of control and uncertainty can make us anxious and stressed. Some fear the afterlife, whereas some are apprehensive about the non-existence. Some may worry about the process of dying, wherein some worry about the loved ones they have to leave behind.

Death Hurts.

Death hurts all. It hurts not only the one who is dying but also the people they are leaving behind. The mystery of death is one of the greatest mysteries of the Universe.  We are born to die one day. Nobody is unaware of this inevitable truth; still, humans face the ‘fear of death’. Thanatophobia or the fear of death is seen more among the youth aged in their twenties and the middle-aged people after the fifties. In the present scenario, even small children are affected by the fear or preoccupation of dying.

“We are frightfully concerned with our deaths, sometimes so much so that we forget the real purpose of our lives.”

– Brian L.Weisss, ‘Many Lives, Many Masters’

Do you remember the first law of ‘Thermodynamics’ (Law of Conservation of Energy), which we learnt in middle school?  

 “Energy can neither be Created nor be Destroyed”.  

Compare life to an energy source.  Life goes through different stages and transitions like other forms of energy, but it cannot be destroyed. Death, too, is a transition period of energy, so why worry unnecessarily about death?

To put things into a perspective, here is a parable of the Buddhist era. 

The story of mustard seeds.

Once upon a time, there lived a rich girl named Kisa Gotami.  She was married to a wealthy man from a place called Savatti.  She gave birth to a beautiful boy after some years. Kisa Gotami loved her young son very much and devoted all her time and affections to him. She thought herself to be the luckiest mom to have such a lovely boy.  One day her little boy fell sick, and unfortunately, the next day, he died.

 Kisa Gotami was inconsolable as she could not accept her only son’s death. She refused to give the permission for burial of the dead body. She was in total denial and wanted her boy to come back to life somehow. In her desperation, she went to every religious priest, magicians, spiritual gurus, old and wise men and women of that place, asking for help to revive her son. None of them had an answer to her requests and grief. One of the older men suggested that Kisa Gotami approach Lord Buddha, whom many considered their God.

 Kisa Gotami picked the dead body of her beloved son ran to the nearby village where Gautam Buddha was stationed, pleading him to revive the boy. Buddha made her calm down, assuring her that a miracle could be possible. Kisa became ecstatic hearing that and asked him what should she do?.  Gautam Buddha smiled at her and said he needed only a spoon full of mustard seeds to bring the boy back to life. 

 Kisa Gotami could not believe her ears; she thought of running to the nearby house and borrowing the mustard seeds. Buddha smiled again and told her that there was one condition, ‘the mustard seeds should be from a house where nobody died in the past’. Kisa thought it to be an effortless task. She ran to every house of that village and nearby villages to get a spoonful of mustard seeds.

 Alas!! She could find not a single house where nobody has died in the past. Someone’s father died, someone’s mother, someone’s sister, someone’s brother, someone’s husband, someone’s wife, someone’s grandfather, someone’s grandmother, someone’s cousin, someone’s uncle, someone’s aunt, someone’s child died. Kisa Gotami became exhausted, running house to house in the hope of finding just one home where no loss by death took place. At last, she came to her senses and accepted her fate of losing her son. She understood that ‘death is inevitable and not reversible’ and took her son for cremation. 

How can we get on with the fear of death? 

Worrying too much about death prevents us from living at present.  Fear is a fundamental emotion that helps us to avoid danger and acts as a warning sign. The best way to defeat fear is to face the fear. Fear of death is one of the basic fears where a person fears about own death or the death of their near ones or the fear of dying process.

• Practice humility: Those people with more humility are more acceptable to the concept of death. Being humble helps in getting over the fear of death.
• Talk about death: Many avoid the topic of death. Addressing the elephant in the room and discussing it helps reduce stress. Talk to your children and listen to them without interrupting if they worry about dying.
• Faith acts as a medicine for fear: Replace ‘fear’ with ‘faith’ and ‘hope’. Spirituality enables us to live in the present moment with reducing the anxiety of the unknown future. 
•  Acceptance is the key: Be more accepting than resisting. Death and grief are a part of everyone’s life cycle. Accept that, ‘Yes, I am Afraid”. Then ask yourself, “Why?” 
• Be responsible:  Take responsibility for your life, body, mind, work, studies… commitment gives you the power to fight the fears.
• Flow with it:  you cannot fight or flee death. It’s a part of our life process and natural, flow with it, embrace it bravely as and when it comes. 
• Death anxiety: If death anxiety interferes the everyday life or functioning, seeking professional help is advisable. Thanatophobia/Necrophobia are the phobias related to death and related things and needs to be treated. There is no point in suffering alone.

Yeh!! Life goes on…

Instead of fearing the unknown future, we must seek knowledge and understanding of our fears and how to conquer them.  Many of us with religious and spiritual beliefs seek a life after death.  Dr Napoleon Hill reminds us that ‘ our desire for a life after death has been placed in us at our conception, but life should be lived in the context of the present moment.’

One needs to have a meaningful purpose and focus on being alive every day, day after day. We need to live in the present moments with true grit and passion.

Because life goes on…….

Written by Habeeba Waseem. Content Developer and Writer @mindsonfleek