Gaslighting- the word of the year 2022; searched over 1740% times on google. :/
How many of us understand the real meaning and the complexities associated with the word ‘Gaslighting’?
Gaslighting is a manipulative psychological tactic used in relationships, toxic parenting, workplaces, business settings, politics, professional settings, marketing, and other places to manipulate and change the perceptions of reality, thoughts, memories, events, etc, of others.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse. Period.
The word ‘gaslighting’ came into use in the mid-20th century. ‘Gaslight’ was the name of a play (1938) in which a man manipulates his wife with emotional tactics to make her believe that she is descending to insanity. A film, a psychological thriller with the same plot and name, ‘Gaslight,’ was released in 1944 where Paula, a singer, is continuously told by her husband that she is ill and fragile.
What is gaslighting??
Simply put, gaslighting is a powerful psychological technique used by self-centered and arrogant people to manipulate others to make them comply. Gaslighting relationship involves at least two people: a gaslighter and a gaslightee, who receives the ‘gaslighting effect.’ Gaslighter can be a narcissist, an abuser, a manipulator, or a leader who is an unempathetic controller and needs to preserve their sense of self-worth and power. Gaslighters are the charmers, confident overcontrolling people, and we can find them in every nook and corner of the world.
How is gaslighting done?
Gaslighting is a continuous process; it starts relatively minor and insignificant without even getting noticed. But eventually, it leads to anxiety, chronic pains, depression, and even suicidality in the survivors (gaslightees).
In her book, ‘the Gaslight effect,’ Dr. Robin Stern writes, “Gaslighting comes in many forms and becomes severe as it goes through the three stages; disbelief, defense, and depression.”
An interesting fact about gaslighting is that it is not gender-specific; it is practiced equally by all genders. The goal of a gaslighter is simple to keep you off-balance. It is about having control and power dynamics.
Let us just look at why gaslighting is a problem.
Gaslighting defies the boundaries of relationships. Gaslighter slowly and steadily takes over control and power.
Gaslighting exploits the gaslightee and pushes them to question themselves, draining their self-esteem and confidence.
Gaslighting encourages dependency on the gaslighter, thus stikes irreversible damage to the victim.
Gaslighting compels gaslightee into feeling helpless and trauma-bond.
Gaslighting questions gaslightee of their reality and sanity.
Gaslighting gives no answers to the victim but pumps up the gaslighter with more vanity.
Gaslighting makes the gaslightee constantly apologize and defend the gaslighter, among others.
Gaslighting makes victims withdrawn and socially isolated.
How to spot a gaslighter?
They are usually with great charisma and are challenging to pick. Identifying a gaslighter is a big task because of these deceivers’ charming personalities.
Few behaviors to spot them:
- Withholding “Are you trying to confound me?”
- Countering “Are you sure about that? You have a bad memory.”
- Diverting “None of this is true or valid.”
- Minimizing “Are you hurt by this silly thing?”
- Denying “You are overreacting; nothing like that happened.”
- Making you ill/sick “You are not okay; you are sick; you are not here.”
- Shaming“You are dressed cheaply.” “You look ugly, fat, skinny.”
- Take credit for your work and blame the shorting comings on you.
The cognitive dissonance created by gaslighting can have catastrophic effects on a person’s mental health. If you are a victim of any type of gaslighting in any phase of your life, find ways to get away from this negative and harmful practice. Reach out for help and save your sanity.
How to resist gaslighting?
- Forgive yourself, and it’s not your fault. You need not feel guilty.
- Stay away from the Gaslighters, if possible.
- Create justifiable distance.
- Talk to a mental health professional. Be open to taking professional advice.
- Pay attention to the pattern of gaslighting and be alert with their playing manipulation game.
- Create a support system for yourself and start building back your self-esteem.
- Avoid exposing Gaslighters’ elevated and deceitful identity. Do not expose your vulnerability or weakness to a gaslighter.
Are you questioning your reality?
Do you feel like you are losing your self-esteem?
Do you think you are a victim of ‘gaslighting’?
Talk to us. We are here to help you.
Write to us at mindsonfleek@gmail.com or DM us @mindsonfleek
