She pressed her face against the iron grill gate, her big eyes wildly tracking every shadow moving down the corridor.
That was the first time I noticed her.
A young woman in her late thirties with anxious eyes restlessly searching for someone. I was not sure at the time whether she was ready to talk to me. She stood there anxiously, in the same way, till the lunch bell rang. For context, I was at a mental health facility doing my internship for the post-graduation diploma programme.
Next day, I noticed her again waiting near the gate. I asked her, is everything okay and she replied, “I am waiting for my husband”. She was not in a good mood to talk, so I let her be. The next day, I saw her again in the same spot, waiting for her husband to visit. That day, I saw her talking to another inmate and decided to approach her.
She opened up easily and started talking slowly, in a low-tone, aptly articulated way. She told me that her name is Vishalakshi*, meaning ‘girl with large eyes,’ and I instantly felt no name could suit her better. She also told me that she was admitted to the hospital forcibly by her husband and his people. She went on “I was suffering from mild depression and now I am much better and want to go home.”
Vishalakshi eagerly waited for her husband every day because she loved him dearly, even though she had gone through abuse at her home. According to Vishalakshi’s story, her mother-in-law and husband abused her regularly- verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically. They kept her 6-year-old daughter from her as a form of punishment, which made her depression worse. Vishalkshi told me that her mom-in-law had performed black magic on her. She was very disappointed with her husband as he cheated on her multiple times and had many romantic affairs outside their marriage.
Vishalakshi believed that she was very special and was to be loved by all. She made it clear that she was going through some mild depression because of the separation from her daughter. She tried to take many tablets at a time and was thus admitted to the psych ward.
She presented her story so convincingly that I totally believed her. I took her as an abuse victim who was suffering from some paranoia. I was keen to learn about her case history and, the very next day, requested her case files.
Nothing prepared me for the sheer scale of her delusion.
While going through the case history, the fabricated and manipulated story of hers made me realize the depth of her mental illness. She was suffering from a serious mental health disorder called ‘Paranoid Schizophrenia’, unlike her story of mild depression. She was suffering from it for many years. Her delusional stories and distrust of others made sense because of the long-lasting false beliefs and disorganized thinking.
This is her real story :
Vishalakshi grew up in a dysfunctional household, where her parents always fought and eventually got divorced. Her father was an alcoholic, and her mother was depressed. Later, Vishalakshi’s mother married her own late sister’s husband, who already had three children. It is not clear about the onset of her illness, but she had been suffering for a long time.
The manipulation, suspiciousness, fear of witchcraft, lies, and stories were all part of her sickness. Because of proper care and medication, she was calm and somewhat in her senses at the facility. Unlike her story, Vishalakshi was forcefully brought to the mental health facility by the local police after she became violent. She stabbed her husband multiple times and was creating havoc at home before her admission. Her illness posed a threat to her own life and the lives of others near her, including her 6-year-old daughter.
Paranoid Schizophrenia (it is an outdated name for Schizophrenia) symptoms often begin in late adolescence or early adulthood, slowly or abruptly. The symptoms then move into active psychosis, where hallucinations (most commonly, auditory: hearing voices) and delusions (such as one is God-like, has special powers, or somebody is trying to harm, plotting against them, etc.: the irrational, false and strong beliefs) take place. Intense fear or suspicion and disorganized thinking patterns are the common symptoms. Impairment to daily life can have serious consequences, as in Vishalakshi’s case. In the residual stages of ‘paranoid schizophrenia’, the intense and active symptoms often subside, but low-level, long-lasting symptoms remain.
The management of illness with the help of antipsychotic medication, psycho-socio therapies, and psychiatric rehabilitation programmes is possible. Family therapy and vocational training can be effective in supporting the affected people.
Schizophrenia is treatable and manageable, but not curable.
Without treatment, treatment gaps or delays, the ill person struggles more and can have adverse and severe effects on their daily life and on the lives of the people around them.
Today is World Schizophrenia Awareness Day (24th May). Schizophrenia affects millions globally, yet it remains deeply misunderstood. Let’s come together to break the stereotypes, replace fear with facts and build a world that supports recovery. If you see any of your near ones struggling with false beliefs, abrupt changes in behaviour, intense distrust of others, complaining of hearing voices (which are not real), holding delusions and suspicions, please seek immediate psychiatric help. Because people with this condition do not believe they are ill or need help.
On the last day of my internship, I saw Vishalakshi standing near the locked gate, anxiously looking towards the corridor, waiting for her husband to visit. I could only look back at her with some empathy, nothing more and nothing less.
*Name changed to maintain confidentiality and privacy of the patient.
If you or someone you know is experiencing thoughts of self-harm, suicide, or needs urgent medical support, please seek immediate help through Tele-MANAS (24/7): 14416 or 1-800-891-4416, contact local emergency services, or visit your nearest hospital immediately.
-Habeeba Waseem, Founder & LifeSkills Coach, MindsOnFleek