Once upon a time, in China, an old and wise farmer lived with his family and a horse. One day his horse ran away to the nearby forest. The neighbors of the farmer sympathized with him, saying that “it is his bad luck.”
The old farmer answered, “Maybe!”
One week passed, and the horse came back with two wild companions. He brought two more horses from the jungle, and the farmer became the proud owner of three horses. The villagers said to each other, “how lucky the farmer was.“They did not hide their enthusiasm and told the farmer the same!
The old farmer answered, “Maybe!”
The wild horses were powerful and difficult to tame. The farmer’s son took the responsibility of training the horses. In due course, the son fell from the horse and broke his knee. He had to be in bed because of the fractured bone. Everyone felt bad for the son and said that “it was a terrible fate.“
The old farmer answered, “Maybe!”
In a few days, the king’s soldiers came to the village to collect young men for joining the army. The king was fighting a fierce battle with a neighboring country. King’s men did not want the farmer’s son to join them because of his broken knee. All other young men of the village were ordered to go to the battlefield. Villagers were jealous of the farmer as his son got saved from serving the king. They could not hide their frustration and taunted the farmer that “He was extremely lucky!“
Again the old farmer answered, “Maybe.”
What did this story teach me?
The old farmer did not care how life was unfolding to him. His story made me think:
“Do we have to put life events into separate boxes labeled with good, bad, ugly, fortunate, misfortunate, lucky, unlucky, etc.?”
I wish I could be like this Taoist farmer who does not categorize experiences as ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ He brushed away the opinions and emotions of others in two words: ‘May Be’
This story taught me that when life happens to us, we need to accept it as it is. What one can control is the ‘response’ one gives to these events. The farmer was standing between ‘optimism’ and ‘pessimism’ and was not afraid to face it. He did not give much importance to the fortune factors and did not find good things on bad occasions.
Why am I telling this story now?
Three weeks ago, my husband had to go through major vascular surgical procedures on his leg (thrombectomy and angioplasty). The risk factors included cardiac arrest, heart failure, kidney failure, amputation, and so on.
Twelve years ago, I went through a similar incident (My husband suffered from vascular artery disease and underwent Coronary Artery Bypass Surgery). The doctors blamed it on genetics and heredity. Back then, I was angry and frustrated, trapped inside a Drama Triangle, and switched roles from persecutor to rescuer to victim.
Some of the religiously correct relatives told me that ‘ it is a punishment from God.’
I want to tell them ‘Maybe or Maybe not.’
Some told me this is how God is testing me and my patience.
I want to tell them ‘Maybe or Maybe not.’
Some told me that I am fortunate that he did not have to go through an amputation.
I want to tell them ‘Maybe or Maybe not.’
Some told me I need to change our lifestyle, and it is all because of the food I serve him.
I want to tell them ‘Maybe or Maybe not.’
I would not dare to minimize all those who supported us through this challenging period, wishing us well. I just wanted to shed light on how we, humans, tend to turn everything into good and evil, how the cognitive bias of thinking in black and white affects the decision-making skills. (Erroneous thinking).
At the present moment, my husband is recovering from the surgery, and I am grateful to all those who prayed for his well-being.
What do I think about the story in a psychological and philosophical light?
Locus of control (psychological concept)
The psychological concept ‘locus of control’ by Julian Rotter considers how strongly people tend to believe they have control over the situations or life events that affect them. People with internal locus control do not believe in luck variables. They like to take responsibility for their life. Those with an external locus of control are usually fatalistic and believe in external factors like luck, fortune, punishments, and rewards, etc. Some can balance out both. The old farmer is certainly not a person with an external locus of control.
Stoicism (philosophical perspective)
The Greek philosophy of “stoicism”( 301 BC) refers to accepting the present moment without complaints, fear, desire, or emotional outbursts. This philosophy holds that becoming unbiased and accurate thinking allows one to understand the universal reasons. It teaches us to be indifferent to pleasure or pain and discourages binary thinking patterns. The old farmer did not exhibit joy or sorrow during his experiences.
Life happens, doesn’t it?
Life is a mystery, and it is constantly changing. Many things are not in our control. The only thing one can control is how to respond when a crisis happens. It is vital to have awareness and keep ourselves at bay from the assumptive outcomes. The dichotomous thinking may make us feel a sense of certainty for that moment but would not last long.
I, a silly, tiny, and humble creature of this vast Universe, cannot label what happens in my life.
I wonder if my readers understood what I wanted to convey?
“Maybe” or “Maybe not”
Written by Habeeba Waseem. Content Developer and Writer @mindsonfleek