My daughter and I had a huge argument on a couple of limiting beliefs she was holding on to. Being the bossy mom, I persuaded her to agree that these limiting beliefs hindered her growth. On the other hand, my daughter refused to counter those beliefs because her intellectual evidence didn’t support them. In the end, we both did not win the argument but thankfully did not lose too. My daughter challenged me to share the techniques to change her disempowering beliefs. So here I am, putting it into words!!

Limiting beliefs.

Before starting to explain what a limiting belief is, let’s look at some examples of self-defeating thoughts:

• ‘I am not good enough’/I don’t know enough.’
• ‘ Life is not fair.’
• ‘I lack the knowledge/experience.’
• ‘I am going to be single all my life.’
• ‘I don’t deserve this / happiness.’
• ‘ Money does not come to me quickly.’
• ‘I always struggle to get things while others lead a privileged life.’
• ‘Nobody likes me, and I cannot be friends with anyone.’
• ‘I cannot afford to have what I want.’
• ‘Why does this always happen to me?’
• ‘I am a complicated person, and no one can understand me.’
• ‘I don’t have time.’

 Are you familiar with these types of thoughts or sentences? Does it bother you??

These are examples of limiting beliefs blocking our progress and hindering our life goals. One gets trapped in these limiting thoughts and impressions during ‘Life.’ It can set in with you from parents, teachers, primary and secondary caregivers, and relatives during childhood. It could be from the friends’ groups and social circles, religious or spiritual beliefs, geographical changes, and ethical values as you grow. You may pick up these types of unhelpful thoughts at any juncture or time of your life span through unique life experiences.

The Elephant and the Rope.

Have you ever noticed an elephant tied to a nearby fence by a small piece of rope?

 The baby elephant is conditioned to believe that it cannot break that rope tied to one of its ankles. The massive animal of 3000 to 4000 pounds of weight grows up believing that it cannot move until untied. This story exemplifies how a limiting belief (metaphor: a piece of rope) hinders the freedom to move ahead. The elephant’s trainer makes sure it indulges in learned helplessness from a very young age so that it never tries to break free. The obstacle in grabbing new opportunities can be a little limiting belief (like a piece of rope in the above story) we hold on about ourselves, others, or the world.

Why do we hold on to these negative beliefs??

Because it is comforting! Yes, these mistaken but destructive beliefs can be soothing and protecting at times. For example, a student who cannot score good grades can rub it off as an “I am not that smart.” A person who does not get a promotion as expected can say, “I am not lucky.” Here the locus of control is shifted from internal to external. Instead of finding ways to improve or excel, one can comfort oneself on smartness or luck.

Are limiting belief worth embracing??

Though comforting to hold on to, destructive beliefs can question our self-worth. It holds you back from exploring life in novel ways. These deep-seated beliefs often have some deep-rooted catastrophe attached to them. Nothing would seem ‘never enough .’ It makes us adapt to the ‘not good enough syndrome’ and follow us through every field of life. Also, these dysfunctional beliefs can make us continuously look for validation by decreasing the level of self-fulfillment.

If the restricting beliefs hold your progress, then what do you do??

Can we change these negative beliefs??
Yes, we can!!

Let’s explore the steps:

1. Sit comfortably and take a couple of deep breaths.
2. Brainstorm all the thoughts you think are blocking your personal growth.
3. You may write them down for better clarification.
4. Choose a topic where you feel you have self-limiting beliefs. [for example, job, relationship, Money, friends…etc.,]
5. Challenge the belief and alter it. for example: If you hold belief : ‘life is a constant struggle.’
   The counter-belief can be ‘Life is full of adventures with ups and downs. I am learning to accept Life in that way, and it’s okay to be not okay.
6. It is time to say ‘goodbye’ to those self-limiting thoughts by making a conscious effort to block them.
7. Use positive self-affirmations to move past those false beliefs and develop self-confidence.

This is my attempt to convince my daughter that self-limiting belief can develop into a fixed mindset and lock you up in a prism of self-doubt. ✌️