Shhh…. 🤫

 When I decided to pen down the benefits of ‘silence,’ the first thing that popped into my head was the silent treatment. Have you experienced it? Have you tried silent treatment to others?

Consciously withdrawing from conversations after an unpleasant episode of debate or quarrel is a tactic many of us use. But do you know how harmful it is to the person who is on the receiving end? Whatever the intention of the ostracizing person, silent treatments are referred to as a form of subtle abuse by many psychologists.

The silent treatment is one of the ugliest forms of abuse, where the person treated with a cold shoulder goes clueless and starts walking on eggshells.  It causes emotional trauma to the receiving person and triggers extreme negative emotions.

When I am treated with silence, it makes me anxious about their sulking. I always wonder what I did wrong to be punished silently. I reason their withdrawal with all types of negative scenarios in my brain. And within no time, my worries turn into frustration and then anger. I feel melancholy at the end, and all types of negativism sweep in.

I am sure many of you would have gone through similar situations. What is your experience with silent treatment?  Is it easy to manage your feelings when someone significant in your life suddenly decides to go mute on you? When treated that way, uncertainty affects your self-esteem, and you fall prey to emotional abuse.

There comes a time when silence is betrayal.

-Martin Luther King,Jr.

What is a silent treatment?

Silent treatments are a negative way of communication. It is an aberrant behavior to control the other person. Giving a snub now and then is a form of abuse and emotional manipulation. Silent treatment is a tactic to withdraw, coerce and or punish. People who use silent treatment walk away, avoid engagements, be unresponsive, do stonewalling, etc., as a tool of emotional abuse.

It can happen in any kind of relationship. It makes the receiving person feel rejected and excluded. The connections become shallow and brittle due to this. Open communication showcasing your hurt, emotion, and feelings are always better than going dumb. It is a wrong practice which makes both the parties (giver and receiver) suffer.

Silence sometimes is better than argumentative conversations. But silent treatment is not an excuse to “cool off time”. It continues beyond the calming time and hinders the dynamics of the association between two people.

If you are at the receiving end, it is crucial to understand that you are not at fault. The person/s treating you with their “muteness”  is having trouble with their emotional regulation. They struggle with their self-worth and have controlling issues and power-struggle. It is not you, but they have poor communication skills and lack genuine expression. Those who ghost you  would have been modeling this maladaptive behavior without thinking clearly about the consequences.

Silent treatment is an acquired trait, learnt from one’s caretakers, parents, children, siblings, teachers, partners, friends, colleagues, bosses, etc. Though it is not easy to face silent treatment, you must accept that you are not the reason for their silence; it is their faulty coping mechanism.

There is no point in beating yourself up when someone else is at fault. Prolonged silent treatment can lead to mood disorders, anxiety disorder, loss of self-esteem and confidence and depression and emotional distress. 

Let’s pledge and Say no to abuse and no to silent treatments. Do not practice it. Do not receive it.

-Habeeba Waseem, Founder & Life Coach, MindsOnFleek