Gravity did it.

The cut and polished glass slowly slipped out of my hand, escaped my poor attempt to catch it, and crashed into the floor with a crackling sound. I shrieked; my high-pitched, piercing cry filled the air! The crystal pieces were all scattered on the tiles beyond the scope of gluing together and repairing them.

It made me sad to look at the shattered pieces of a beautifully cut expensive glass, a gift from a lovely cousin. I felt frustrated as I spoiled my favorite lemon set, and the glass set six was reduced to five. My guilt made me sigh, and my quick response follows:

“I didn’t do anything. The glass was not kept properly on the tray.”

“The new handwash is very slimy, and things are slippery in my hands.”

“The tap water is hard nowadays, so the soap on the glass is not washed properly.”

I desperately looked for a comforting response from my husband and daughters. I wanted them to tell me, ‘It’s okay. It’s not your fault.’ But there was pin-drop silence. My husband and daughters refused to talk. With no reciprocation from anyone,  I turned my complaints to my age and health. Clever me!!

“I suddenly felt giddy, so the glass slipped.”

I went on and on….but still no retaliation. One of my daughters silently started to gather the broken pieces and told me to be careful. That was it. I paused my continuous ranting; I understood my silliness of complaining. I knew it was an accident. I could have been more careful and mindful. I knew there was no point in complaining.

A question popped up:

Complaining is an ineffective response to any event, which we want to change for the better. People complain about the things that can be alternated. We make a fuss about the things and circumstances which can be replaced.

For example, the glass went down because of gravity. But why did I not complain about the gravitational pull?

Do you complain about this drawing power of earth??

We do not complain about gravity because we cannot change it!!

I read in ” Success Principles” that people complain expecting a change. We complain when we expect a change. This type of nagging is seen in a marriage where one partner anticipates a behavior change in the other one. Parents, too, indulge in carping activities with their offspring, thinking it would motivate them.

Another funny thing about complaining is we often complain to the wrong person.

For example, we complain about our work stress to our family. Have you ever considered how it helps us complain to a different person who can do nothing about your situation?

By complaining, are we not exhibiting our powerlessness? Does it make us safer or show our helplessness? Here one can argue that gripping is a way of emotional venting. But it is short-lived until we return to doom and gloom.

I complained of breaking the glass; I could have been cautious and alert. But instead of owning my mistake, I was self-discounting for support. If I had accepted it as a slip of my hand, I would not have felt the silliness and negativity.

The unproductive activity of complaints made me realize that it is resentful and not purposeful. Then the next question is how to stop the habit of complaining.  I found my answer that was simple, ‘replace it with gratitude.’ Instead of concentrating on my shortcomings, why not be appreciative and accepting?

Another confusion that arose in me is- though bewailing makes people apart, but can I stop it altogether?  I understood that occasionally, I am allowed to vent out my negative emotions through complaints. Grumbling would help me destress, but balancing my verbiage is the key. My peace of mind depends on the minimization of complaints and the maximization of positive feelings.

So, let me return to the glass falling event and try it out.

The glass fell on the floor because of ‘gravity.’ Otherwise, it would have been levitating with me and you in the air. It could have hit me on the head, eye, or face and created a medical emergency.

Let me stop my train of thought here before it takes me to the casualty section of a hospital.

The two  things I learned today:

1.There is no point in complaining vainly to the wrong people because it is a waste of energy and time. 

2.Reinstate my complaints with gratitude and work towards personal growth.

Today, I am grateful for the ‘gravity.’ It helps me to stand firm on the ground and maintain my posture.

How about you? What is the one thing you are grateful for today? Or do you have a complaint? 

-Habeeba Waseem, Founder & Life Coach, MindsOnFleek